Hey ..., Leave Me Alone


“A philosophically informed vision helps us respond to reversals intelligently,
not Impulsively, so that we can act to mitigate the situation, not aggravate it.”
― Chaitanya Charan Das, Wisdom from The Ramayana

It’s amazing how sometimes an established artist can give hope and solace to
a struggling artist, or some analogy like that. In my case, hopeless and disparate
from myself, I look to McArthur Binion, but not really in any extraordinary story-driven
sense, just like a basic need to feel better about my shitty life. Something always
happens to deflate my combustion, maybe that’s the world telling me something.

What else? I am learning that the gods I was taught are God as a kid are probably
not real. Of course, this is not a new thought but then to seriously entertain the idea
with anglo-research is always distressing. Childhood beliefs are hard to dismiss.
Rama/Krshna not real?! WTF. I was getting sick of the art anyway, the romantic
European classical icon style, the baby-blue skins. Pissing me off. I had a good
good idea, putting their images on punching bags. Yeah! Is that concept art? I
don’t know. It seems like it could be, but not sure. Darn.

Cognitive dissonance. I can’t describe this well.

My neck and brain hurt. Sleeping style and psychotic-ness – nobody else’s fault
but my own..hahaha. Caffeine too. Maybe all that beer abuse too. Maybe a lack
of success. It’s like worse than a bobble-head. I can slit my brain on both sides
and let all the light out. fuck them.