Deadbeat Father vs Things Change


“The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me,
because there was no longer anyone to remember with.
It felt like losing your co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself,
as if the things we’d done were less real and important
than they had been hours before.”― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

It is not a relationship of love but truth.

Does mind follow matter unlike the saying goes? I think so. Look at drugs.
They can change your mind. Psychiatric drugs are mind-altering. One must
obey the rules of chemistry to a degree. My old man, he takes stuff and acts
out. Have the meds screwed up an already screwed up dude? For sure. Take
Remeron for example. Wait, I’m wrong perhaps. He puts himself into stressful
situations and the body reacts accordingly. Usually in a stressful situation you
need to quickly determine the course of action. He constantly puts himself into
this stressed position though. I’m trying to figure out something and can’t.
The body should respond to stress adequately. The rise and fall of chemicals
is natural. If a person is stressed too often, then the mechanism may
get wacky. This drug Remeron seems weird.
Like if a person gets a stress-load the normal thing would be a rise, then
a fall. But this drug might allow a rise, but prevent the fall?
This is my father:
He won’t give peace a chance. He believes peace is for only after-death.
He’s a drama-freak and stupid enough to deny this honestly.
Now the stress hormone is on the rise, but it cannot fall back
down to it’s natural low level. So the body is locked into a high-stress state,
and the mind must follow. So sad for me. My thoughts hardly making sense. The
modern world does not allow for drugs that relax. These backfire often. Like
alcohol. You must allow the drug to work. If I tell you this is a anti-depression
drug, you must be willing to want that. If you don’t then the drug will fail. This
then goes against my hypothesis that mind follows matter, but maybe it’s a
little of both. Many people like to be depressed or alike, rather than being
elated and full of zest. Some people want to be bitter. Some want to be
salty or sour. My father he wants to be tragic. He likes all the tastes I suppose.
He needs a drug that will allow him to be tragic, not happy. He has given that up.

So then it would seem that more depression. The first few weeks on an
anti-mess med like a SSRI would be worse or equal than at the start?
I don’t understand the natural flow. Follow me along. Give same to same,
then wait for a change. And it would help out those with anxiety? No mas.

To refresh. My feeble attempt states more serotonin is good for depression,
but bad for anxiety. I think this theory is weak for sure, but it’s a start.

Increase serotonin in the synapse, or perhaps down-regulate
excitatory receptors like 5-HT2x which are believed to be associated
with anxiety.

I have noticed this thing when I sit at the laptop located in the
dining room. I feel compelled to get up all the time. It usually
happens when I just about to solve a problem, the anticipation
of solving a problem. I immediately get up and walk into the kitchen
or elsewhere. I don’t know why, but it’s consistently happening.
Is this related to dopamine. Too much or too little? They say
dopamine is released in anticipation of reward.

I just lost two sections of writing :(

One was about ADHD and how in theory more dopamine
prevents a “surge” of the same stuff. This spike causes
hyperactivity or short attention.

Two was about SSRI and how they operate. My theory goes.
If the reuptake is blocked via SSRI the auto-receptor will
cease releasing more serotonin into the synapse. The existing
overflow of serotonin will eventually dissipate. The question is
how long does it remain in the synapse? That makes me wonder,
does the auto-receptor detect only the amount or both amount and
length of time in the synapse. Probably the former. So once it detects
and adjusts it’s work is done. So what happens in the synaptic serotonin
diminishes quickly? The neuron is no longer releasing the same stuff.
A period of lack occurs. Unless the auto-receptor also detects the lack
of serotonin, thus it would restart production and release. I don’t
think that’s how it works, just detects excess. So I assume in some
time interval it will resume production of serotonin. If the reuptake is
still blocked, which it probably is, the cycle repeats. I don’t see how
this process down-regulates the monitoring auto-receptor. Unless the
suspension of activity is short and synaptic serotonin is long-lasting.
Or the negative-feedback is more constant during the overload period -
which might be prolonged or not. If the feedback is frequent and regular
and the overload period is long, then I could believe the auto-receptor
would become desensitized over time. Otherwise I can’t believe this
works out too well.

I guess that NRI’s like Atomoxetine work the same theory, but for