I would feel less anxious about my mother’s death
if the society I live in wasn’t so skanky. In her bed
was no one. but the time is really a waste without a real place
in the society. You have to push forward either way, and waste words
like so many others do today. Join the resistance and make sense.
There is no resistance! Another neo-liberal movement pointing the finger
at one man when in fact, there are many millions.

I was going to compare the artist with the grocery store stocker. This is
a waste of time, but I think that in the night of days it doesn’t matter. But
let’s assume that I am not enchanted by the arts, but instead regular.
It’s obvious who takes priority. Survival. Art. Man-made art. Luxury items.

He’s an asshole, I think he’s the same person he was before his “mental
illness” kicked in. I can remember, or it’s just the same; we have a conflict,
me and him. But he’s even more annoying now; his new learned
behaviors are sickening. It’s a lack of inhibition which may have been caused
by benzo use, or he’s just more of an asshole now than before. Either way,
the social security check still pays the bill, so I’m shit out of luck.

She used to watch General Hospital on tapes after work.
I remember rewinding the tapes.
I don’t know why. What is the wisdom here? Hmm..it is just another
useless memory. But I suppose she worked hard and still enjoyed some
things that really don’t seem so luxurious right? Watching a soap opera
after a hard day of work doesn’t exactly seem like a fulfilling life. It doesn’t
get anywhere. The thought is not there. She lived for her children. That’s
a little sad, but what do I live for? I am the thing and I live for another chance.
To be or not to be, that is the question.