I would have said a few words,
the chicken crosses the road,
I haven’t prepared it, but wasn’t sure.
I don’t know the right words, formation can’t be done.
I have no rhythm. I don’t talk.
Here:
Hello Everybody,
Thanks for being here.
…
I can see the sweets offered to mom as well earned.
She had a sweet-tooth.
….
I can say a lot but who has the time.
I’ll say this:
A few days before my mother died she said,
“you really tortured me” I was a little surprised, but
I knew she was only joking around.
I know she didn’t hold a grudge.
It made a lot of sense though. I had been giving
her a hard time for a long time, for many years at least.
She worried about me constantly.
My choices and lifestyle.
She had to work very hard in life, and this extra stress was
undeserved.
Even while she was very sick in the last few months, I was still acting foolish.
This translates to a lack of thoughtfulness for her well-being when she most
needed peace-of-mind.
She treated me very nicely in life.
I know I wasn’t as nice to her.
It’s too late now but I would just say sorry for all the hard times I gave to you.
I loved you very dearly.
Perhaps we will meet in a future lifetime
and I will make it up to you.
May you remain at peace until we meet again.

How can I write better if I don’t want to write?
I should write just for the practice.
Either it slows down my thoughts, or it will
practice the rights. Too much involved in feeling.
Oh, I know, I will play the I-Ching.
I forgot how this works but I rolled the internet dice
Punctuation problems…
15 changing to 39
15. Humbleness.

…

Cloudy somber and empty-like.
Downstairs, middle floor, and up.
Sister, father, places to go.
Clothes to wear…cleaning and
organizing forever and ever.
Even in death the intelligence doesn’t come.
Chasing the tail. Can’t fix my One.
When you talk the thing becomes one,
that is, the mind and the body (thing-in-itself).
Thing-in-itself. What is that? The thing, das ding. It might be a little more than just the body. It may
include the core mind. Anyway, talking gets it done.
Two is ok too, but often the thought is seemingly
creating awkwardness for the thing itself.
Often the mind causes anxiety. Choice-less
awareness – Deepak Chopra has made popular this idea –
may lessen anxiety, but it has to be implemented.

Actually, I don’t know what is true about any of the above.
What? Death doesn’t even bring quietness.
It does bring a pinch in my brain. A happening.

I don’t know, but I suspect…
Superstition is the way
I mean I don’t understand if that is true,
that is, if pre-planning contributes to future events,
that is, events you normally don’t think
are controllable…like death.
Anyway, something is typing, something makes
it seem like that, but it’s all meant to be, I know.
Things are not in order now, and that’s a new
thing I suppose; a shuffled zeitgeist.
So like ceremonies are funky and whatever.

Diminish paper for canvas.
I think it’s just a color problem. And drawing is another problem.
And something in-between is still another problem.

There’s no motivation to do anything.
Anything attempted results in a sadness, contempt,
failure.
A hamster in a cage, spinning the wheel.
Can’t do much in this part of America.
An angry bunch for sure.
More dumb purchases; when will you ever learn.
Internet shopping and all that jazz.
I keep buying there even though I’ve wasted hundreds of dollars.
So beginner’s luck, savoire faire (social skill)…i don’t know anything!

I can and can’t believe I have been living
in the crap town for 13 years now. It’s just a sigh.
When will I ever leave this nightmare?
Oh well, que sera sera…