“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in
which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” -Mark Twain

“Anger … it’s a paralyzing emotion … you can’t get anything done. People sort of think it’s an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling — I don’t think it’s any of that — it’s helpless … it’s absence of control — and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers … and anger doesn’t provide any of that — I have no use for it whatsoever.”
-Toni Morrison

The following is an example of me barking at or up the wrong tree…read if you have time to waste.

The two Cooper story. Amy and Christian, showdown at dusk. Bark bark.
“Hey, Mr. Black, you can’t be here while I’m taking a break from doing asana!
Didn’t you get the memo sent back in 200x? Even though I’ve only been in
New York since 2017…Didn’t you get that memo? It says, ‘We are making
America great again…New York City …’”

I was reading that story and knowing on some level what was going on. That
was something started way before “Make America Great Again” It was post-911.
It was white America pissed off and gang-buster. It was Bloomberg and Giuliani.
It was that “collective unconscious”. It was capital greed and hi-tech. It was great
food, but only for the elite. An elite, not as described by the 99 percent. An elite
more like 65-75%. It was the roaring 20s or actually the 1950s going backwards in time.
It was be crazy. Did you ever wonder what you were all tapping into? Like not a black hole.
More like a white hole. When I think crazy, I think some valley girl who’s daddy called
her a princess growing up, then moves to the big city and works in advertising or fashion. Has
a bunch of friends who are more or less the same. They promote the agenda, something like
a clubhouse built on excessive use of the word love. Law and order. Rising middle class. Love
pink. Gentrification was real. It has many outcomes. The Cooper’s in Central Park was one.
New York City and perhaps other similar venues became quasi-apartheid. Your rights and
our rights. That’s where it stands.

If what happened to Mr. Brooks in Atlanta was somewhere else, like say New Jersey,
the cops would not be in such deep shit. That’s simple. Because Atlanta is very
black. But Georgia is not I assume. So that tells me that the local law takes shape.
Especially in a big city. New Jersey is a state, but what if that happened in Newark?
I don’t know depends I guess.

There is a power. The strong have it and privilege along with.
They use work as a force to wield power. Power is equal to Work divided by time.
Those who do work have more power. Power is good right? Work too right?
Money is good, because life is good. Good at making money. Good knowing
the law is on your side.

I just know that without an incentive wrong word, without
ability, creative ability there can be no opportunity for doing
the kind of work that seems appealing to me. And I don’t, no longer,
have a creative component in mind.

Now for more free. Like when I was fresh.
And word was just black on white. I have that goal.
It came and went. Art is ground swelling and honest.
Honest telling of the goal. Making exit. Making black
door and leaving the white house. Rubber ducky.
Why can’t alcohol be my fuel for being?
Why must it fuck the living-bejesus out of me?
Why in excess? But not sure when that is?
Why does the inner-demon haunt me?
Why not straight the path? Why misery?

A riot is people coming together who are held together by their own dispossession.
A riot is them coming together to struggle against that dispossession in public space..
- Joshua Clover, an English professor at UC Davis

The the the…
Dispossesion I know something about that…

What you mean you weren’t going to be able to write?

I am a saint better than St. Ambroise of Old Bridge, NJ

Too much to say, something about white America again
Something about how they should be ashamed for…
Something about a neighbor’s baseball hand lost in the fire and blood
Something about how to get out!
Something like the misery of living in white America, made by white man for white man
Something about nothing
Something like I’ll be stuck in this devil town forever
Something now, something later.
Something about my mother – my only parent
Something about Nazi excuses but not really
Something about money – nothing new there.
Something about anger and it’s ability to completely dismantle my being
Limited writing space, the need for communicating
I know I’ll have a beer and feel better.
I can’t see it and not to listen to the dumb spoiled white children of the suburbs.
Not to just want to kill them and their parents and that way of life.
How I feel to no one.

As I can see from my writings I am not well.
I am not writing well, not thinking well.
This is due to some kind of exhaustion
Mind, spirit, body, whatever. A lack of proper
breathing in and out. Only weed will cure me.
That is for sure.

“Practice meditation … Don’t be heedless. Don’t later fall into regret.” The Buddha

there you have it, easy and hard hand-in-hand.
you can’t believe this shit if you weren’t so foolish.
it drives me crazy the crazy old fool

Let’s be clear that perception implies reality is hidden.
If the majority, if not all, of one’s i>experience lies in perception
where are we to go? The truth lies beyond our perception they say.
That without going into detail on the nature of reality….

The link to consciousness and perception should come.
Given our senses are that experiencing apparatus, sure
yes it happens as perception. An alternation of sense
will still fall into perception. Only logical thought, reason,
that is of the mind can not be seen as perception, but
based upon that data. Awakening is perhaps unending
in this way, to overcome perception. But how? how? Only
if you transcend perception, but that cannot lead to happiness.
Because happiness is sensory. I must describe it a better way.

Is perception the way the mind interprets data? Raw sense data.

i could believe that Reality is omega. It brings that kind of happiness
they call Bliss. This is maybe going hand-in-hand with unbinding, cuz
who can be blissed-out all the time?
Is reality also the way one interprets? This would seem to mean one
enters into that stream, thus similar to how our normal way is
a stream.

Many are expressing their disapproval recently. I can see that it’s been
outlandish. As my friend said “enough is enough”. i was actually going to write
something that might seem insensitive, but because nobody is reading my blog I will
enter this thought anyway. If all is perception, and what is reality?, then what does
some egregious act like the killing of a black man really means in the grand scheme of things?
Such a disruption seems to indicate that in this rather gradual movement towards a higher
consciousness we are distracted by the obscene. Apparently even too obscene for art-making purposes. Can’t history

Many weaknesses combined together and created the state.
Justice is the child of fear and is based on the necessity of the
weaker and not the interest of the stronger. – Glauco The Pragmatist

These days are you skeptical? I don’t recognize the thing you mean.
The brain is….so I am just typing now
If you give a skeptic the answer they know is the cause of skepticism
they will throw about their marbles. Given you cannot find the path ahead…

How can you complain about a veggie burger? You can it seems.

Regardless the state is some liking to the tribe. Tribes form naturally,
and so do states. That is to say everything is natural in theory. States
are more designed or participate in freedom, but knowingly they are
often miscalculating the goal. Then there is overpopulation. A major
concern for any group or organization. But states are so abstract they
can account for this too, and still they fail. The next ramble is state’s
power. Power is a feature of an unstable system. Power corrupts some say.
Power is built upon needs and wants. The distribution of power, it’s effect,
give the member of the group a sense of justice. So that is then one’s
work to some extent. Given the group dynamics, items that have been
relinquished by the individual thus leaving one unsatisfied. A more full
sense of one’s duties can come from being with all one’s work. I give up.